President Trump announced today, April 1, that he plans to establish the Museum of the American Proud Boy at the National Mall per his recent mandate to restore “American greatness” at the Smithsonian Institution.
Trump’s announcement comes hours after he published a Truth Social post at 4:20am calling for “more bigly-built buildings” that “honor the contributions of very fine people.”
Though the Smithsonian is an independent institution, Trump cited the “Nobody Will Stop Me” loophole in the Constitution during a 20-second phone interview with NBC News as impetus for creating a new museum he said would “honor those who stood up for the historical truths of our excellent nation, which is about to expand once we drop the butterfly net over Greenland.”
Trump selected the National Mall location for the museum after a “boys’ night” with Senior Advisor Elon Musk and Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg — both of whom suggested that the “phallic nature” of the Washington Monument was the perfect motif for restoring family values and American exceptionalism to the Smithsonian’s “post-Woke identity.”
Among the inaugural works in the collection is a glass-walled room that will house the January 6 insurrectionist known as the “QAnon Shaman,” a jar of salt crystals derived from Columbia University protesters’ tears, a reconstructed Charlottesville Robert E. Lee monument that was removed and melted down during the Biden administration, and Jeff Koons’s “Balloon Dog” (1994).
The new museum will mark a historic collaboration between Trump and the Proud Boys. Paying homage to his former career establishing the left-wing media brand (before going off the Andrew Tate deep end™), VICE and Proud Boy founder Gavin McInnes has been named the museum’s chief curator.
Sources (Pete Hegseth) told Hyperallergic that Trump has just signed a contract with El Salvador’s president, Nayib Bukele, to “find construction labor for very cheap 👊🇺🇸🔥.” Trump credited Bukele for the expedited timeline for constructing and opening the museum, adding “✈️⛓️👷.”
“I’m proud to be a boy,” Elon Musk said, though Hyperallergic didn’t reach out.